Where Chaos Reigns Happily

How do YOU feel today?

Summer has Officially Begun

Well, not by the calendar, but by my teaching schedule.  I am now officially in charge of the 24 hour care and entertainment of three small boys for two months.  I’m terrified.  What? You say that I work with an entire class of 4-year-olds all school year so I should be well prepared to meet the needs of such a small cohort of children?  It would certainly seem as such.  However, at school I have a schedule.  We have “specials”; Art, Music, Dance, etc.  I have an endless supply of art materials and a budget to make up for what I don’t have on hand.

Each summer, I approach this opportunity to spend quality time with my children with trepidation.  I have no idea  why it causes me anxiety.  However, I vow that this summer I will focus on what we can do as a family.  I will find out what we can do together in our city for fun and free.  I will be present in each day.

Seems simple, but sounds like a tall order to me.  I, of course, am over analyzing and fretting.  Let me give you a picture of what is going on right now:

Kiwi (My Oldest Son): Sitting at the dining room table with a pizza pan full of play dough and sculptures galore.  As usual, he is narrating a story as he builds.  Mostly about some battle or Star Wars drama. {Note that he has never seen a Star Wars movie, but they play heavily in his tales.}

Wee-Man(Our Thriving Three): Sitting on the train table pushing cars around. No wait, racing around the house pushing a large dump truck.  Scratch that, sitting on the train table again.

Moose (Otherwise known as “The Baby”):  Standing on a chair next to Kiwi’s desk in the living room, methodically going through all of Kiwi’s drawings, markers, books, whatever.  Turns around in chair and smiles and says, “Momma! Momma! Momma!”, returns to ransacking brother’s desk.  Ah, now he’s ON the desk.  Be right back….He was happily standing in a box on the desk.  Smiling and sharing, “Momma! Momma”  Wee-man ratted him out, “Mommy, look at Moose.  Look what he did.”

All of them are pleasantly playing, if not a bit dangerously on Moose’s part, so what’s the big deal, Mommy?

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Forst Boys 2011

I was actually just testing out this video editor, but I’ll share what I made with you all.  I know some of you are wishing for more updates. 🙂

Forst Boys 2011.


For Sammy and Solly

For those of you who don’t know, we lost two very wonderful angels this week.  Solomon and Sammy Geller are the children of a very good friend of mine.  Devastatingly, they are no longer attached to this mortal coil.  They were beautiful children, 8 and 6 years old.  If you pray, please pray for Sarah and the Adkins family.  Their loss is incomprehensible.  Please pray for the Geller family.  I am not ready to think of Troy, but his family doesn’t deserve our anger.


Anxiety and Fear and Loathing

Isn’t it amazing how one day you can be on top of the world, happy-go-lucky, and the next you are down deep in a hole.  For anyone who is reading, I’m actually “feeling” much better, I think.  However, I’ve noticed that now I’m afraid of the dark.  And being alone.  And of ghosts.  These are all things that I thought I left behind me with my childhood.  Yet, here they are, surfacing again after 20 years.  I think that this whole thing has been really too real.   Right now, I’m at the point where it seems more like something I read than something that happened, but I guess that’s what denial is, yes?  I am aching to comfort my friends, yet scared of leaving my chickens behind.  My rational mind has some catching up to do.  My imagination has run away, again.


Today we are sad.

for s, s, and s we cry

Lord, keep her cocooned in safety and the love of those surrounding her.  We are angry, shocked, disbelieving, horrified, disgusted, crushed, immobile, frozen by our inability to help.  We cannot understand and yet we strive for some semblance of normalcy.  All we can do is close our eyes and send her our love.  And hope that she is able to receive just a little bit of it somewhere inside her cell.